Peace

Where can I turn for peace, where is my solace?
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart, searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows, where when I languish
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand, to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand? He, only One.

He answers privately, reaches my reaching.
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind, love without end.

Choice and Accountability

When I was in the Young Women's organization as a youngster, the Church changed the Young Women's program. Ardeth Kapp was the president, and I remember being at the meeting where the new Young Women's theme and the values were introduced. I can still recite the theme, and remember all of the values.

One that has had an increasing relevance in my life is "Choice and Accountability." The older I get, the more I realize that EVERY choice I make has a consequence--be it good or bad. This is EVERY choice--from what to eat in the morning to whether or not to take the time to say my evening prayers. Case in point--if I eat anything with cinnamon in it, I get an upset stomach. Sometimes I eat it anyway, but I have to deal with the consequences. :0(

I love quotes...I put them up everywhere. In that vein, here are a few of my favorites regarding choice:

There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them. --Denis Waitley

It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.--J.K. Rowling

Until a person can say deeply and honestly, "I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday," that person cannot say, "I choose otherwise" --Stephen Covey

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. --Martin Luther King, Jr.

My personal favorite:

The secret of life isn't what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you. --Norman Vincent Peale

Favorite Scripture on the topic:

27 Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself. 2 Nephi 2:27

I have had a lot happen to me over the course of my life--most of it health-related. I have strived (and have not always succeeded) to maintain a positive attitude throughout it all. I keep telling myself that, "Well, at least I'm here!" It would be so easy for me to wallow in self-pity and misery, but that wouldn't do anyone any good. Not only would I be miserable, but it would make everyone around me VERY miserable. When I'm being poked with an IV needle for the 6th time in one visit, the nurses always remark about how good I am, and how positive I remain. This shocks me, as why would anyone choose to be difficult in that situation? What choice do we have?

Bottom line--life is all about choices. Some are big, others small. The biggest choice we have in life is how we deal with the "crap" we are dealt in our life. (And we're all given our dose of crap!) We knew we were going to be faced with trials and tribulations when we came here. If you believe, as I do, that we knew--at least to some degree--how difficult this life would be before we came here, then how can we be surprised at the hurdles that come our way? We're here! We have a body! We get to experience life! I can imagine how happy I was to get here to Earth--even though I knew I'd have my fair share of difficulties.

My hope is that I'm doing all I can do to live up to the gift that my Father in Heaven has given me. He gave me, well...me!

Simple Pleasures

So, I'm a pretty simple person. I like simple things, have a simple little home and a simple two-kid family. I don't wear a lot of make-up or jewlery and don't drive a fancy car.

There are a few simple things that make me happy....

In no particular order:

Doritos and cottage cheese. I'm eating some right now. I prefer a fresh bag of Doritos and the Wal-Mart brand of cottage cheese.

Reality TV. I'll admit--I'm a junkie, and my "drug of choice" is reality TV. I love Survivor, Amazing Race, American Idol, The Biggest Loser, and Hell's Kitchen. I never miss an episode. (Thanks, DVR!) :)

ER. It's almost over and I feel like a part of me is dying. I've watched it for the past 15 years. I really hope it ends well...

Music. I like to think I'm fairly well-rounded when it comes to my music tastes. If there's a person playing a musical instrument or singing with some kind of talent, I'll listen. I absolutely dislike any "woman bashing" rap and Mormon pop. (HATE Mormon pop!)

Snuggling with my kids. This is my favorite part of any day. When Courtnie and I snuggle, I ask her, "Do you know what my favorite part of today is?" She answers, "Right now." I love that!

Talking with my students. I love getting to know them and hope I'm making the right kind of impression on them.

The gospel of Jesus Christ. It's the most simple, basic and wonderful thing in my life.

Crabby Patty

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I always wondered what that meant... Now I know.

Well, technically I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I woke up too early and then couldn't go back to sleep. Ian came in to my room about 3:00 a.m. and said he had a bad dream. He asked if he could get in bed with me. ARGH! I told him to go back to bed and try to go back to sleep. 30 minutes later, he's back. So I let him in... After that, no sleep.

He woke up about 5:30 and made himself breakfast. Too noisy--couldn't sleep.

I'm grouchy today because I didn't get enough sleep. It happens...

Why is it that I managed to go to school and be nice and polite to my students and other teachers, but then when I get with my family I turn into a grouch? Why do we take it out on the ones we love the most? This has always puzzled me. We should be the most Christlike and loving to those we live with, right? Yet, I'm a crabby mom to them when I'm tired.

I was informed this week that I have 30 minutes for music time this week, instead of my normal 15. I'm frantically looking for ideas and came across some great ones. I put a button on my blog page to one of the sites. Very cute ideas--not only for Primary but for other church organizations as well. I also found an about.com website that had a TON of ideas. I think I might use the Candyland game board to have them sing songs different ways (red=hum, purple=sing "la", etc.) We've learned five songs for the program thus far and this way we could review them without getting bored. Just a thought...

Ian has a wrestling tournament tomorrow. He's pretty excited. Hopefully more kids will be at it this time. Last tournament there were only three in his weight class. He took 2nd. :) Hey, a medal is a medal, right?

Gordon is having his Elder's Quorum presidency and their families over for dinner tomorrow night so I guess I should clean the house. It gets kind of messy during the week when we're all so busy. That's why Saturday is a special day!

Love to all...

Just so tired!

Why? Why?

Since spring break, and for that matter, during spring break, I just feel excessively tired. I can't seem to get enough sleep. It started the Sunday before spring break. I woke up feeling exhausted, went to church and while I was leading the music in Sacrament Meeting, I just felt completely spent. I couldn't keep my eyes open and just felt limp... Gordon covered for me in Primary and I went home.

I just never seem to feel good. Maybe I have a brain cloud. (Someone I know has one!) :)

I started going to the gym and hour a day on Monday. (Yeah, I know, its only been 2 days...the point is, I'm back.) I thought that would lift my spirits and give me more energy--it has in the past. Nada so far.

Por que, Maria?

Spring Break and BlackBerries

This week was my spring break for me and my kiddies. Not much happened, which is just the way I like it. I felt kind of lousy for the first few days, so spent lazy days around the house. Ian and Courtnie had friends over, so all was good.

Sunday Ian passed the sacrament in our ward for the first time. He was all set to go, ready to pass the sacrament to the bishop first, when our stake president showed up. Ian wasn't prepared for that, and got all nervous and flustered. He did a great job--was so reverent and serious. I was a VERY proud mama! :)

Monday I had an MRI (follow-up) to make sure all is still good from my surgery last December. I went to the hospital to have this done, as I've sworn off going to the other "imaging" center in Prescott. (The radiologist there told me that my veins "suck," and also botched up my biopsy.)

So...I get to the hospital after drinking over 32 ounces of water to get my veins all pumped up, as I knew I'd need an IV. After calling in five separate people--from the ER nurse to the ICU nurse to find a vein, they finally found one on the 6th try. Not too shabby! By this time, however I my bladders issues were pressing, but I didn't want to disrupt the procedure, so I waited.

By the time they were about 3/4 of the way done, I was in so much pain from over-extending my bladder! I pressed the button and called for a "potty break." They all laughed and said they were wondering when I'd need to go--they'd been watching my bladder on the screen and said it looked VERY full. Nice of them to ask, huh? ;oP

Tuesday Ian and I had a shopping day at Costco. Is it just me, or do they send out those coupon books to lure you in and get you to buy things you wouldn't normally buy? Hmmm...

Wednesday=lazy movie day. Nice, nice, nice.

Thursday I went into school. Finished my lame 301 binder that was due at Christmas time and started working with my pit kids on the music for "Guys and Dolls." Can't WAIT to do this--one of my favorite musicals of all time, and the music is so great to play. I love doing musicals, as I get to work with my favorite kids for longer periods of time. We have a great time...

Today is my reading day. Gordon is taking the kids to see "Race to Witch Mountain" (or whatever "Witch Mountain" movie it is...) I'm really into my book right now and would rather stay home and read. Does that make me anti-social? (I'm reading "Helen of Troy," by the way...)

Last Friday I got my new phone--a BlackBerry Pearl. I've been wanting a smartphone for a while now, and bought one off of ebay. I love it, even though it frustrates me from time to time. Why do I keep getting random text messages that say n:m=1=1? Why? Luckily there are several "CrackBerry" forums that answer my questions.

I've already downloaded the Standard Works and Hymns to it, and have had fun saving new ringtones and typing in my calendar. I'm a geek, I know it...but I'm having fun.

Blah-Blah-Blah-Blogging

So, I've basically decided that there are many different kinds of bloggers and blog entries.

Some write as if writing in a journal. They share their thoughts and feelings, not thinking of the outcome that those thoughts and feelings might have on those who may read them. (Or maybe they are, and want a reaction--I'm not sure.) Its funny to me how often people who write these kinds of blogs are shocked and surprised when they get a reaction--be it good, bad, indifferent, or just downright ugly. When you post something for the public to read, you need to expect that some members of the public will read it.

There are others who write fun stuff for families and friends to share as a sort of "online scrapbook." They share pictures of their families and funny/cute anecdotes about them. My sisters do this well. It's fun to read about the lives of their kids--especially when I live so far away.

I blog for a reaction. I get a kick out of knowing that people are reading my thoughts and care about what I have to say. I have always enjoyed the written word--one might say reading and writing are two of my greatest joys. I love sharing my day-to-day joys and sorrows, my kid's accomplishments and feats. I don't post as often as I should, but that's because life gets in the way too often.

I also have a journal that I keep. In there I write things for me only. Someday my kids and grandkids might enjoy reading what I've written, but for right now, I like to keep those thoughts to myself. Those are thoughts that are deeply personal to me, and I don't want a "reaction" from them.

Someone recently said that I have an unhappy life. Quite the contrary is true. (How could this person know these things when I've spent less than 2 hours with them in the last 10 years?) My dad and grandparents were just here and told me that I looked happier than I've ever been. People I know only casually stop me to tell me how good, happy and content I look. This is the true statement. I am so fulfilled in my life--I have an amazing husband who is my best friend and #1 fan. I have two great kids who are as different as night and day, but who both bring so much joy to my life. Being a mother to them has meant more to me than anything. I relish the time we share together. If my son is a "brat," it is something we are working on, and something YOU would know nothing about. Funny, yet again, how things are misconstrued.

I have THE most amazing job in the world. I get to help students succeed, not only musically, but as people. Through music, they learn discipline and that hard work yields great rewards. I can't imagine doing anything else with my life.

Mostly, I have a testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that He is my Savior and my Older Brother. I know that I can turn to Him in times of sorrow and confusion--such as what I'm feeling right now. I know that things will work out and that--in then end--answers will come to light. For now, I have to trust in Him and trust in myself. That's all I can do.

I love my family. Funny how this kind of garbage can bring us all closer together. Sorry that we have to go through all of this to get there sometimes. Just know that we'll always have each other. Lean on that.