I Wish...

My cousin Eric passed away yesterday.  He was only nine months older than me.  He died suffering from severe liver and kidney failure.  I can't imagine...

Eric and I were kids together.  I have some fun photos of he and I playing in the back yard at my aunt's house in Idaho Falls.  Some of them wouldn't be appropriate to show to anyone! :)  I guess they didn't make swimming suits for babies back then! 

Eric was always the cool cousin.  His mom was (and still is) very beautiful and stylish, and Eric was always dressed in the coolest clothes.  He had a very funny and outgoing personality and ALWAYS had a goofy grin on his face.

When I broke up with my boyfriend my junior year of high school, Eric came to Utah and took me to our Homecoming dance.  He was a good sport about it, and it was really fun...

I've spent the last little while thinking about the last time I saw him, and I think it was that date.  He hasn't been to either of our grandparent's funerals and I've wondered why. 

It turns out that he's been battling some pretty vicious demons.  I had no idea.  I wish I had known--not that I could have done much about it, but so that he could have had someone else praying for his recovery.  I wish I knew what set him on this course of self-destruction, and I wish I could have been more helpful.  I love him, and miss him as a part of my life.

This event has got me thinking a lot about choices.  If you've read my blog at all, you know I'm a big proponent of choice in every aspect of life.  Each of us comes to earth with a certain amount of potential, and it's up to us how we choose to develop it.  What sets people off down the wrong path?  Is it friends?  Outside influences?  Or do we have complete control over every aspect of our life? 

I believe 100% in the concept of agency--that every choice we make in life has a consequence, be it good or bad.  I wish Eric had made better choices.  I hope that he's making them now and has the opportunity to right the wrongs in his earthly life. I have to believe that we all get second chances.