My sister Michelle sends me links to various blogs. Most of them have are blogs of people who have gone or are going through some kind of adversity in their life.
While I should find them inspiring and wonderful, they just make me feel stupid. My problems are so minuscules compared to others in the world. I just want to be happy, and I have SO many reasons to be, but I just physically can't get happy. Every time I think about anything, I cry.
My mom's in the hospital, and I can't be there for her.
Not that you needed to know this, but I've had an upset stomach for the past three weeks, and have been downing the Imodium like it's candy.
The meds I'm on make me feel like my head's detached from my body.
I'm crabby ALL of the time, and snap at my husband and kids for absolutely nothing.
My house is messy, there's laundry to be done, and I just can't get it done.
I've abandoned my job...something that makes me happy. I just found out I only have seven more weeks of leave covered under FMLA. Does this mean I'll lose my job? I wasn't planning on going back to work until the beginning of January.
I just really want to stop crying at the drop of a hat. I'm so done. I know that all of this will pass, and it will be a memory. I also know that my attitude determines so much of my happiness, but I'm having a hard time right now.
Please, please, please....
4 comments:
No matter what, it's okay to feel miserable as long as you don't give up; "We are perplexed, but not in despair."
I don't believe in bootstraps, everyone's suffering is different. Don't add guilt to what you already have to deal with. Do what you have strength to do.
As I recall your mother had an ill mother when you were sick as a little girl. I believe she would understand.
Hey Amie, FMLA law states that they must hold your job open for 1 year for you, I mean there is more to that, but thats in a nut shell. Your "extended illness" pay or what ever they call it may run out, but they still have to hold your position for you or a similar one. And Amie, if they tried to pull something like that, I guarantee you there would be a huge mob of parents and students storming the school! I'd lead them too! Its ok to feel sad, its ok to be upset, angry mad, all of that. I know I keep saying it but trust me, I'm currently seeing a therapist for panic attacks and thats one of the things she keeps trying to get through my head. I need to get you Louise L Hay's heal your life CD. It helped another friend who totaled on her bike in may, broke all kinds of things in her body, couldn't even walk...I mailed her a copy and she said it helped. take care dear!
You know--my house is a mess right now too, and I am not even sick. So there! ;) I DO indeed have that quote about being about to do hard things, but I really love the one that someone gave Mike's mom after her stroke: "I know God won't give me more than I can handle...I only wish he didn't trust me so much!" So true--especially for you right now. I cannot tell you enough how much I wish I was there--at least not 9 hours away from you. I love you Amie.
Ooops--that last comment was from Lindsey--but I guess I was still signed in from Dad's blog about mom. :)
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