Soul Surfer

While Ian is gone on our stake's pioneer trek, Courtnie and I have been enjoying some "girl time."  Yesterday we went to see the movie "Soul Surfer," a movie she's been wanting to see for a while. 

The movie had a lot of references to religion and Jesus Christ, which made for a great discussion with Courtnie afterwards.  One of the Biblical references that was used was Philippians 4:13, which says, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

The girl in the movie was a championship surfer who was training for the national championships when she was attacked by a shark and had her arm amputated at the shoulder.  She had to learn to do everything over again, and felt sorry for herself at times.  Her father (also a surfer) kept telling her that she shouldn't give up, and quoted the above scripture.

A little while after her accident, her church youth group went to Thailand right after the tsunami in 2004.  This helped her to put her trial into perspective as she saw the devastation around her. 

I have 12 days left until my scheduled transplant.  I'm still not where I need to be with my viral level, and I'm so scared that this will mean another postponement.  In February, my count was near one million, a month later it was cut in half, at the beginning of May it was at 1800, and on May 20 it was at 1000.  It needs to be at zero for the doctor to clear me for surgery.  I'm having another lab drawn on June 7, and if it's close we can draw it again on May 10, but that's it.

If I don't have the surgery on June 14, I won't be recovered in time to start school in August.  The HR director has informed me that if I can't start the school year, he's going to have to find someone else for my position.  This devastated me.  Other than feeling better, the thing I'm most excited about is being able to go back to work.  I miss it so much. 

Putting things into perspective--will it be the end of the world if I don't work next year?  Will I be able to find fulfillment elsewhere?  Would I be able to come back to what I love?

Are there people suffering more than I am?

Am I worrying needlessly?

I'm trying so hard to have faith that things will turn out as I'd like them to, but I've wanted that since last November.  For some reason, things just don't always work out that way. 

I know that Heavenly Father knows the deepest desires of my heart.  I know that He hears my prayers and my pleadings.  I know that He hears the prayers of my family and friends.  It is my continued prayer that He will allow this transplant to go through so that I can get back to my life.