Over the past couple of weeks, as the date for my transplant approaches, I have found myself in a state of panic. I was worried about so many things...so many "what if" scenarios. It was driving me crazy. I'd think about the future and become so scared that I'd actually start to cry. I think I was driving my husband insane. He would hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. He's been my rock.
Yesterday a lot of people I know--and many I don't know--fasted and prayed that my lab test would come back with a result that will finally allow me to have the transplant. My sister Michelle called me and told me that just about everyone in her ward was fasting for us. She told me that it was one of the first times in her life that she actually knew what it felt like to "feel" people praying for us. I'm so grateful.
I felt at peace all day yesterday. Going without food and water for a day is difficult for anyone, but we did it. Ian and Courtnie joined us, too. I hope that they learned that they can do hard things, especially when you are doing them for someone you love.
This morning I woke up and felt so good. "Peace" is hardly the word to describe it, but it's the best word I have. I had this overwhelming feeling that everything is going to be okay--come what may. My worries are gone, and I have turned my worries over to the Lord. As I laid in bed thinking of the future, John 14:27 came to my mind:
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you:
not as the world giveth, give I unto you.
Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
I felt my Saviors love for me so strongly. I know that He knows my troubles, and I know that He has experienced the pain that I am going through--both physically and emotionally. I am so grateful that He has taken me by the hand and is guiding me through this time. I hope that I can live worthy of His love.