Thursday, December 1, 2011

About that...

So, I thought I'd write more often.

But then school started for me in October, and I haven't had a second to spare.  I felt compelled to write tonight, though.  So I'm sacrificing sleep for my blog.  See how good I am?

I was officially accepted to my graduate program (Educational Psychology) in mid-August.  By this time, all of the classes that area offered for the entire semester were full.  Thus, I was forced to take all 9 credit hours in 8 weeks time.  It's been hectic, but I have LOVED every minute.  I feel a new sense of purpose and it feels good to be doing something productive again.  My brain has gone soft over the past couple of years, and it feels good to flex my "smarticles" (as Courtnie calls them) again.  I'm doing pretty well.  I'm really shooting for an A in all three classes, and I should be able to do it...if I stop second-guessing my answers on my Applied Behavior Management exams!  I would have earned a 94 today if I hadn't gone back and changed answers...why do I do that?  I ended up getting an 84.  Ugh!

The class I'm enjoying the most is my Adolescent Psychology class.  The instructor gives us a lot of supplemental assignments and information, and I have found all of it so interesting.  Yesterday I watched a documentary on teenage suicide and suicide prevention.  A program was implemented at a school in New Jersey that had experienced a rash of teen suicides.  I wrote a paper on my reaction to the documentary and the plan they implemented, and really thought a lot about the despair suicidal teens feel.

As a family, we attended the BYU vs. NAU game at our local events center.  It was fun to see everyone--one of the members of our ward said that he'd never seen so many Mormons gathered together on one place.  I joked that we should just have our Stake Conference after the game.  BYU smashed NAU, and it really wasn't much of a game, but it was fun to be together.

While we were at the game, I got an automated phone call from our high school.  The principal said that one of the students that attends the high school had passed away yesterday, and that counselors would be available to help at school today.  Pretty vague. 

Through the magic of Facebook, Ian and I were able to figure out that a sophomore had committed suicide Tuesday night.  The timing of this suicide, coupled with my recent paper and learning more about what teen suicide hit me hard.  I've never known anyone so young that has committed suicide.  I immediately started wondering what would have caused him to feel that there was no other option.  Was he bullied?  Was he having family problems?  And most importantly...could this have been prevented? 

According to my textbook, 70% of teens have thought about suicide, and 40% have attempted suicide.  This is an amazing statistic.  I understand the despair that we all feel from time to time, but I just can't fathom what could have made this sixteen year-old feel that there was no other option.  I have thought about this most of the day today.  I drove to Phoenix for another blood test and felt so badly that I started to cry.  My own thoughts and worries left as I thought about his friends and family and the grief they must be going through today.  Life is hard.

I thought I had some good news at the beginning of November when my hepatologist called me to say that my Hepatitis B viral count was now down to 160.  He said that he would let the committee know that he's cleared me to proceed with the transplant.  I was expecting to receive good news the following Tuesday when the committee met.  No such luck.  They want me to be at ZERO before they will even schedule the transplant.  While I understand their rationale, it's still incredibly frustrating.  Michelle and I want so badly to get this over with.  It would be nice to have it over with by the end of the year.  I had another lab test done today, so hopefully I'm where I need to be.

The wait continues...

1 comment:

Carmen said...

I'm certainly no expert but I too feel a twinge of sadness every time I hear of a person who thought they had no better option than to take their own life. Who can really know exactly what that person was going through? I only wish they could understand just how missed they will be. What I wouldn't give to have the opportunity to see my Dad hold one of my children or to get to talk to him when my crazy boys are breaking things that he could have easily fixed...and probably would have laughed about too. I hear people say, "But at least you will get to see him again because families are forever" For whatever reason, that doesn't really make me feel any better in the present, I still wish he could be here now.

It's great that grief counselors are available to the other students, I would like to think that had my Dad been able to talk through some of the difficult emotions he bottled up from his youth perhaps it would have made a difference...maybe not, but perhaps.

On another note, I hope that you will receive the good news you have long been waiting for, I take a deep breath each time I read a post of yours and hope for the best. You certainly deserve it!