This is a Test, This is Only a Test...

Last Saturday, Ian (reluctantly) went on a hike with his wrestling team.  He did not want to go, and murmured about it all morning.  As we were driving to the meeting point, I encouraged him to make the best of things and to realize that everything he was doing was only making him stronger.  I told him to imagine his next opponent with every step that he took. 

After I dropped him off and was on my way home, I thought of challenges that we all face.  Growing up as a member of the LDS church, in Sunday School we were often asked, "Why are we here?"  The pat answer was "to gain a body and to be tested."  Although I believed that to be true, I hadn't really thought about it. 

Being tested is something that is near and dear to my heart lately, but I know that I am not the only one.  One of my cousins has a sister-in-law who just lost her 1 1/2 year old son in a tragic accident.  Her blog is amazing: http://inthequietheartishidden.blogspot.com/.  Full of heartfelt despair, but also hope and such a strong testimony of eternal families.  Her test makes my current situation seem rather insignificant.  I can't begin to comprehend losing a child.

I got more bad news yesterday.  My hepatitis B count has gone up--again.  Only ten points this time, but it's still headed in the wrong direction.  I feel like I've been on a roller coaster for the past two years and all the time I'm yelling "LET ME OFF!!" at the top of my lungs.  I just wish I had answers...

Nevertheless...this is what I believe:

The reason we are here on earth is to gain a body, have wonderful life-experiences, and be tested...a lot.  I believe that without the hard times that those tests bring, we wouldn't know true joy.  I believe with absolute certainty that if I hadn't had cancer as a child that I wouldn't be the person I am today.  I also believe that even though I am in the middle of a pretty big test right now, I will one day look back on this time with gratitude for the lessons I learned.  I'm already recognizing blessings that could have only come from a loving Heavenly Father.  I know He knows me, I know He loves me, and I know that He weeps with me during my lowest moments. I'm so grateful for this knowledge, and I can't imagine going through life without it.