Time for another pity party...
It's been two weeks since I had surgery to remove my kidney tumor and I'm still hurting pretty bad. I guess that's to be expected when you have an 8-inch incision on your right side. Never mind that my kidney is healing from having a golf-ball sized tumor taken out of it. I guess I'm probably doing better than most. I can get up and around and am not completely helpless... :) *just a little!*
Something has been bothering me since my surgeon told me that the tumor was cancerous. When I had cancer the first time, I was at the tail end of my treatments when a CT scan revealed that the cancer was back. My mom panicked and called in Elders from a local ward to give me a blessing. They blessed me that the cancer would leave my body, and that--according to my faith--I'd never have cancer again.
Since I've left the hospital, I've wondered what that all means in light of the fact that I, once again, have (or had) cancer. The great news is that removal of a kidney tumor is all the treatment required (90% of the time)--so hopefully I won't need radiation or chemotherapy treatments and it shouldn't grow back. But the fact still remains that there was cancer in my body again.
Have I not been faithful enough? Was this cancer another test for me? I know that (like all of us--well, maybe not Bill) we all have things we can do better, and I'm not saying that God is punishing me by giving me cancer again. But what does it mean? I don't know if anyone can answer this one. I'm sure it's bothered my mom, as she was witness to the blessing in the first place.
I go to see the surgeon again tomorrow and hopefully he'll be able to answer a few of my questions. Is this tumor a result of the radiation treatments I had? What kind of cancer was it? What kind of follow-up will I have?
I'm so grateful for the prayers and thoughts that have been offered on my behalf. I have felt them, and they have helped me so much when times were tough for me. I'm so grateful to have good friends and a great family. They are truly the best blessing I could ask for.
2 comments:
Way to make me cry & stuff!! OK, as I tear up again, let me be the first to tell you that you did not get this tumor because you are lacking in the faith department. None of us ARE perfect (again, except maybe Bill) But your faith has always amazed me. Throughout my life I have looked to you as an example--(don't stop now! ;P) You are awesome, and look at this as nothing more than Heavenly Fathers way of letting know to take a break for a while. And you are--and cherishing all of those Movie Days and ruling from your thrown you otherwise might miss. I am of the strong (and CORRECT) opinion that God does not give us things like that to punish us, especially if we are living our lives the way we ought to, as I am pretty sure you are. I think everything in life is to help us learn, and to become stronger. This is getting long, but I love you Amie. I wish I could have been there for you these past few weeks--I totally would have had you hook on daytime T.V. by now--or at the very least we could have watched Beaches & Little Women!!! Tkae care of yourself, and CALL when you have news from the doctor.
Put me on the "CALL" list also...
I am not sure which "Bill" you refer to - except that it can't possibly be me. I struggle so much with things that are so ridiculous that it makes me very frustrated. Ah, well.
I guess that's kind of the point. Did you ever see that God's Army movie? It was pretty sappy, but we liked it. In one scene there's an African American elder talking with the protagonist and he says something to the effect of "it's like we're given 100 reasons to believe and then God throws us one or two reasons not to believe just to test our faith"
I don't know. It would seem to me that your faith has been tested enough. But who am I to decide that?
I agree completely with Lindsey that God fives us things (positive and negative) to make us stronger, more refined. Just like Jospeh Smith - all these things give us experience and turn to our ultimate benefit and good. Remember that they killed him - they killed Jesus too. Regardless of what happens to my body, my soul is free if I have faith.
I love you, sis. You always were my hero. Please know that we are praying for you and your family and we have faith that God will bless you according to your needs, wants, and desires.
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