I don't really have a lot to say today, but I wanted to say something, so here goes...
Friday is our first home football game, and I'm more than a little concerned.
I'm not sure what it is this year, but it's just not coming together. The students don't know their sets on the field, they don't know when they're supposed to move and when they're not, and the music isn't sounding as good as it was a few days ago.
I wish I knew what could make a difference.
I got pretty upset and disgusted at Tuesday's practice, and told the band that if they didn't shape up, they'd embarrass themselves on Friday. I told them that they're not living up to the standards of the BMHS marching band.
I think this may have lit a fire under some of them, as they've all called extra practices for today and tomorrow. It goes back to what I tell my leaders--you can't MAKE students want to do better, they have to want to themselves. No one can do it for you. This is the most frustrating thing about being an educator.
I just don't want to put a "half-baked" product out there Friday. It's just not acceptable for me.
Meanwhile, I'm dialysis catheter free for today. Not that it feels much different, as it's become such a part of me the past seven months. It does feel weird to look down and not see tubes hanging out of my chest. I wish I didn't have to go back tomorrow to get a new one put in. If all goes as plan, I should only have 23 more dialysis treatments...but who's counting? :)
I just found out that I have a great sub that can take over while I'm out. This is SUCH a relief! I was really worried about what was going to happen while I was gone, as the only available music sub was asked not to come back last year. I'm glad that I have someone I know I can count on.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Just Another Day in Paradise
I lost it today, and for really no reason at all...
Two weeks ago, while having my dialysis treatments, I started getting a fever and chills. The nurse gave my Tylenol, and told me to go to the ER if the fever didn't go down. I felt pretty lousy the next day, but not feverish, so I went about my day...
Next treatment, same thing...fever and chills. They took some blood cultures at my catheter site to see if it was infected. The nurse called me Saturday and told me that I needed to go to the ER right away to get IV antibiotics. That was ER visit one. I spent six hours there that day...luckily there was a "Star Wars" marathon on TV. :)
I got more antibiotics at dialysis the following Monday (August 16). Tuesday was the day I broke my pinky toe--ER visit two.
Thursday (August 19)--dialysis, more antibiotics, and another set of blood cultures.
Saturday, August 21 I had a band fundraiser and performance in Prescott all day. Courtnie and I were together while Gordon took Ian to a football game in Flagstaff. We left the event at 5:00 and went to do our shopping for the week. My nephrologist called me while we were in Wal-Mart to tell me that my blood cultures came back positive for yet another infection. (This makes three different types now...) She told me I needed to head back to the ER for more antibiotics. This makes ER trip three.
Yesterday (August 23) I was back at dialysis and getting more antibiotics when the nephrologist came by. She said we'd need to remove my catheter, give it a few days to heal, and then put in a new one.
So...I woke up at 4:30 and headed out for the AKDHC surgical center in Phoenix. I was SOOO tired! Luckily, my good husband talked to me for a while to keep me awake. I got to the center at 7:15, but didn't get taken back until 8:15. I was ticked, as I needed to get back to school ASAP.
They prepped me for the procedure, which involved cleaning the site and draping sterile towels over me. The doctor then came in, gave me a few shots of lidocane to numb the area, (which HURT!!) and then started yanking and yanking on my catheter to remove it.
I don't know if it was the pain, my tiredness, or just sheer exhaustion at having to go through this all, but I started to cry. I lost it. I just got tired of it all. I wondered, yet again, when this was going to end.
The doctor looked at me a little strangely when they took the towels off and saw my wet eyes. It was all I could do to keep back the tears until they let me go and I could cry out loud in my truck. I wondered again how much more of this I need to endure before I can just lead a relatively normal life. I just want this to be over with.
I cried for a few minutes, then started for home. I called my sister, Michelle, who cheered me up. I'm so grateful for her...she listened to me, and even sent me a free Cold Stone! :) She's so good to me, and has given so much to me already. I'll never be able to repay her for the blessings she's given me and my family. I'm so fortunate to have two great sisters who are also two of my best friends.
My catheter site is hurting pretty badly, but I'll live. Thursday they will put a new one in, but this time I'll be under some kind of anesthesia--that should help. I've been fortunate that my previous one has lasted so long, and I'm hoping this new one will make it until I can get my transplant in November.
Two weeks ago, while having my dialysis treatments, I started getting a fever and chills. The nurse gave my Tylenol, and told me to go to the ER if the fever didn't go down. I felt pretty lousy the next day, but not feverish, so I went about my day...
Next treatment, same thing...fever and chills. They took some blood cultures at my catheter site to see if it was infected. The nurse called me Saturday and told me that I needed to go to the ER right away to get IV antibiotics. That was ER visit one. I spent six hours there that day...luckily there was a "Star Wars" marathon on TV. :)
I got more antibiotics at dialysis the following Monday (August 16). Tuesday was the day I broke my pinky toe--ER visit two.
Thursday (August 19)--dialysis, more antibiotics, and another set of blood cultures.
Saturday, August 21 I had a band fundraiser and performance in Prescott all day. Courtnie and I were together while Gordon took Ian to a football game in Flagstaff. We left the event at 5:00 and went to do our shopping for the week. My nephrologist called me while we were in Wal-Mart to tell me that my blood cultures came back positive for yet another infection. (This makes three different types now...) She told me I needed to head back to the ER for more antibiotics. This makes ER trip three.
Yesterday (August 23) I was back at dialysis and getting more antibiotics when the nephrologist came by. She said we'd need to remove my catheter, give it a few days to heal, and then put in a new one.
So...I woke up at 4:30 and headed out for the AKDHC surgical center in Phoenix. I was SOOO tired! Luckily, my good husband talked to me for a while to keep me awake. I got to the center at 7:15, but didn't get taken back until 8:15. I was ticked, as I needed to get back to school ASAP.
They prepped me for the procedure, which involved cleaning the site and draping sterile towels over me. The doctor then came in, gave me a few shots of lidocane to numb the area, (which HURT!!) and then started yanking and yanking on my catheter to remove it.
I don't know if it was the pain, my tiredness, or just sheer exhaustion at having to go through this all, but I started to cry. I lost it. I just got tired of it all. I wondered, yet again, when this was going to end.
The doctor looked at me a little strangely when they took the towels off and saw my wet eyes. It was all I could do to keep back the tears until they let me go and I could cry out loud in my truck. I wondered again how much more of this I need to endure before I can just lead a relatively normal life. I just want this to be over with.
I cried for a few minutes, then started for home. I called my sister, Michelle, who cheered me up. I'm so grateful for her...she listened to me, and even sent me a free Cold Stone! :) She's so good to me, and has given so much to me already. I'll never be able to repay her for the blessings she's given me and my family. I'm so fortunate to have two great sisters who are also two of my best friends.
My catheter site is hurting pretty badly, but I'll live. Thursday they will put a new one in, but this time I'll be under some kind of anesthesia--that should help. I've been fortunate that my previous one has lasted so long, and I'm hoping this new one will make it until I can get my transplant in November.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
My Pinky Toe!!
Yesterday was an interesting day...
We were having a GREAT rehearsal outside when a storm came in. Normally, I wouldn't move inside for a little storm, but we got a pretty close lightning strike, so I decided it was time. (It was pretty funny to see all of the football players hit the deck when the lightning hit....)
We moved inside and had a great full band rehearsal. Music is sounding really good, and my trumpets sounded strong, which is EXACTLY what we need for the music we're playing. (music from "The Mask of Zorro.")
I ended rehearsal at 5:00, and Gordon had ended football practice early, too, so we went to pick up our kids from the Primary bowling party at our local bowling alley. They weren't quite ready to go, so we sat down in some chairs and waited.
A friend walked by, and Gordon leaned back to talk to her. While he was leaning back, my foot wandered over near his chair. (wait for it...wait for it....) When he got tired of leaning back, he leaned forward to put all 4 legs of the chair down, and one of the chair legs (with all of his weight) landed on my right foot.
After screaming "OUCH!" pretty loudly, he removed the leg of the chair from my foot, which immediately started to swell and turn purple. I sat there for a bit, trying to regain my composure. Gordon apologized PROFUSELY, and I kept telling him to just be quiet. A few minutes later, I tried to stand and walk, but it wasn't happening.
Gordon carried me out of the bowling alley--"here comes the bride" style. I was pretty embarrassed.
We went to the ER, where I waited and waited and waited until they took me back for x-rays. Meanwhile, I'm hurting and worried about what I'm going to do if it's broken...how can I drive, walk, cope?
Turns out I broke my pinky toe. Not much you can do for that. They "buddy taped" my toes together and gave me a boot to walk in for the next couple of weeks just to stabilize things and make sure I don't re-injure it. I look really cool, and it's SO easy to walk in! :)
So, I ask you...what's next? :)
We were having a GREAT rehearsal outside when a storm came in. Normally, I wouldn't move inside for a little storm, but we got a pretty close lightning strike, so I decided it was time. (It was pretty funny to see all of the football players hit the deck when the lightning hit....)
We moved inside and had a great full band rehearsal. Music is sounding really good, and my trumpets sounded strong, which is EXACTLY what we need for the music we're playing. (music from "The Mask of Zorro.")
I ended rehearsal at 5:00, and Gordon had ended football practice early, too, so we went to pick up our kids from the Primary bowling party at our local bowling alley. They weren't quite ready to go, so we sat down in some chairs and waited.
A friend walked by, and Gordon leaned back to talk to her. While he was leaning back, my foot wandered over near his chair. (wait for it...wait for it....) When he got tired of leaning back, he leaned forward to put all 4 legs of the chair down, and one of the chair legs (with all of his weight) landed on my right foot.
After screaming "OUCH!" pretty loudly, he removed the leg of the chair from my foot, which immediately started to swell and turn purple. I sat there for a bit, trying to regain my composure. Gordon apologized PROFUSELY, and I kept telling him to just be quiet. A few minutes later, I tried to stand and walk, but it wasn't happening.
Gordon carried me out of the bowling alley--"here comes the bride" style. I was pretty embarrassed.
We went to the ER, where I waited and waited and waited until they took me back for x-rays. Meanwhile, I'm hurting and worried about what I'm going to do if it's broken...how can I drive, walk, cope?
Turns out I broke my pinky toe. Not much you can do for that. They "buddy taped" my toes together and gave me a boot to walk in for the next couple of weeks just to stabilize things and make sure I don't re-injure it. I look really cool, and it's SO easy to walk in! :)
So, I ask you...what's next? :)
Friday, August 13, 2010
Blech....
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
Every time I go to dialysis I get sick. I feel nauseous and exhausted all of the time. I'm so tired of feeling this way.
Last night I puked and puked and was so tired.
Gordon looked at me this morning and asked if I can wait for my transplant until December. I'm not sure that I can. I think that perhaps the thing that's making it harder is that I know another option is out there. Now that Michelle is a match, it's killing me to have to wait.
The problem is that I don't have ANYONE to take over marching band right now, and I just can't leave them high and dry. I did that last year when I thought it wouldn't make a difference, and it just about drove me insane. I felt so bad leaving the kids, and to them, this is their most important time. I just wish I could clone myself and be in two places at once.
I just need to be done with all of this.
Every time I go to dialysis I get sick. I feel nauseous and exhausted all of the time. I'm so tired of feeling this way.
Last night I puked and puked and was so tired.
Gordon looked at me this morning and asked if I can wait for my transplant until December. I'm not sure that I can. I think that perhaps the thing that's making it harder is that I know another option is out there. Now that Michelle is a match, it's killing me to have to wait.
The problem is that I don't have ANYONE to take over marching band right now, and I just can't leave them high and dry. I did that last year when I thought it wouldn't make a difference, and it just about drove me insane. I felt so bad leaving the kids, and to them, this is their most important time. I just wish I could clone myself and be in two places at once.
I just need to be done with all of this.
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