Just Another Day in Paradise

I lost it today, and for really no reason at all...

Two weeks ago, while having my dialysis treatments, I started getting a fever and chills.  The nurse gave my Tylenol, and told me to go to the ER if the fever didn't go down.  I felt pretty lousy the next day, but not feverish, so I went about my day...

Next treatment, same thing...fever and chills.  They took some blood cultures at my catheter site to see if it was infected.  The nurse called me Saturday and told me that I needed to go to the ER right away to get IV antibiotics.  That was ER visit one.  I spent six hours there that day...luckily there was a "Star Wars" marathon on TV. :)

I got more antibiotics at dialysis the following Monday (August 16).  Tuesday was the day I broke my pinky toe--ER visit two.

Thursday (August 19)--dialysis, more antibiotics, and another set of blood cultures. 

Saturday, August 21 I had a band fundraiser and performance in Prescott all day.  Courtnie and I were together while Gordon took Ian to a football game in Flagstaff.  We left the event at 5:00 and went to do our shopping for the week.  My nephrologist called me while we were in Wal-Mart to tell me that my blood cultures came back positive for yet another infection.  (This makes three different types now...)  She told me I needed to head back to the ER for more antibiotics.  This makes ER trip three.

Yesterday (August 23) I was back at dialysis and getting more antibiotics when the nephrologist came by.  She said we'd need to remove my catheter, give it a few days to heal, and then put in a new one.

So...I woke up at 4:30 and headed out for the AKDHC surgical center in Phoenix.  I was SOOO tired!  Luckily, my good husband talked to me for a while to keep me awake.   I got to the center at 7:15, but didn't get taken back until 8:15.  I was ticked, as I needed to get back to school ASAP. 

They prepped me for the procedure, which involved cleaning the site and draping sterile towels over me.  The doctor then came in, gave me a few shots of lidocane to numb the area, (which HURT!!) and then started yanking and yanking on my catheter to remove it. 

I don't know if it was the pain, my tiredness, or just sheer exhaustion at having to go through this all, but I started to cry.  I lost it.  I just got tired of it all.  I wondered, yet again, when this was going to end. 

The doctor looked at me a little strangely when they took the towels off and saw my wet eyes.  It was all I could do to keep back the tears until they let me go and I could cry out loud in my truck.  I wondered again how much more of this I need to endure before I can just lead a relatively normal life.  I just want this to be over with.

I cried for a few minutes, then started for home.  I called my sister, Michelle, who cheered me up.  I'm so grateful for her...she listened to me, and even sent me a free Cold Stone! :)  She's so good to me, and has given so much to me already.  I'll never be able to repay her for the blessings she's given me and my family.  I'm so fortunate to have two great sisters who are also two of my best friends.

My catheter site is hurting pretty badly, but I'll live.  Thursday they will put a new one in, but this time I'll be under some kind of anesthesia--that should help.  I've been fortunate that my previous one has lasted so long, and I'm hoping this new one will make it until I can get my transplant in November.