I don't really have a lot to say today, but I wanted to say something, so here goes...
Friday is our first home football game, and I'm more than a little concerned.
I'm not sure what it is this year, but it's just not coming together. The students don't know their sets on the field, they don't know when they're supposed to move and when they're not, and the music isn't sounding as good as it was a few days ago.
I wish I knew what could make a difference.
I got pretty upset and disgusted at Tuesday's practice, and told the band that if they didn't shape up, they'd embarrass themselves on Friday. I told them that they're not living up to the standards of the BMHS marching band.
I think this may have lit a fire under some of them, as they've all called extra practices for today and tomorrow. It goes back to what I tell my leaders--you can't MAKE students want to do better, they have to want to themselves. No one can do it for you. This is the most frustrating thing about being an educator.
I just don't want to put a "half-baked" product out there Friday. It's just not acceptable for me.
Meanwhile, I'm dialysis catheter free for today. Not that it feels much different, as it's become such a part of me the past seven months. It does feel weird to look down and not see tubes hanging out of my chest. I wish I didn't have to go back tomorrow to get a new one put in. If all goes as plan, I should only have 23 more dialysis treatments...but who's counting? :)
I just found out that I have a great sub that can take over while I'm out. This is SUCH a relief! I was really worried about what was going to happen while I was gone, as the only available music sub was asked not to come back last year. I'm glad that I have someone I know I can count on.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Just Another Day in Paradise
I lost it today, and for really no reason at all...
Two weeks ago, while having my dialysis treatments, I started getting a fever and chills. The nurse gave my Tylenol, and told me to go to the ER if the fever didn't go down. I felt pretty lousy the next day, but not feverish, so I went about my day...
Next treatment, same thing...fever and chills. They took some blood cultures at my catheter site to see if it was infected. The nurse called me Saturday and told me that I needed to go to the ER right away to get IV antibiotics. That was ER visit one. I spent six hours there that day...luckily there was a "Star Wars" marathon on TV. :)
I got more antibiotics at dialysis the following Monday (August 16). Tuesday was the day I broke my pinky toe--ER visit two.
Thursday (August 19)--dialysis, more antibiotics, and another set of blood cultures.
Saturday, August 21 I had a band fundraiser and performance in Prescott all day. Courtnie and I were together while Gordon took Ian to a football game in Flagstaff. We left the event at 5:00 and went to do our shopping for the week. My nephrologist called me while we were in Wal-Mart to tell me that my blood cultures came back positive for yet another infection. (This makes three different types now...) She told me I needed to head back to the ER for more antibiotics. This makes ER trip three.
Yesterday (August 23) I was back at dialysis and getting more antibiotics when the nephrologist came by. She said we'd need to remove my catheter, give it a few days to heal, and then put in a new one.
So...I woke up at 4:30 and headed out for the AKDHC surgical center in Phoenix. I was SOOO tired! Luckily, my good husband talked to me for a while to keep me awake. I got to the center at 7:15, but didn't get taken back until 8:15. I was ticked, as I needed to get back to school ASAP.
They prepped me for the procedure, which involved cleaning the site and draping sterile towels over me. The doctor then came in, gave me a few shots of lidocane to numb the area, (which HURT!!) and then started yanking and yanking on my catheter to remove it.
I don't know if it was the pain, my tiredness, or just sheer exhaustion at having to go through this all, but I started to cry. I lost it. I just got tired of it all. I wondered, yet again, when this was going to end.
The doctor looked at me a little strangely when they took the towels off and saw my wet eyes. It was all I could do to keep back the tears until they let me go and I could cry out loud in my truck. I wondered again how much more of this I need to endure before I can just lead a relatively normal life. I just want this to be over with.
I cried for a few minutes, then started for home. I called my sister, Michelle, who cheered me up. I'm so grateful for her...she listened to me, and even sent me a free Cold Stone! :) She's so good to me, and has given so much to me already. I'll never be able to repay her for the blessings she's given me and my family. I'm so fortunate to have two great sisters who are also two of my best friends.
My catheter site is hurting pretty badly, but I'll live. Thursday they will put a new one in, but this time I'll be under some kind of anesthesia--that should help. I've been fortunate that my previous one has lasted so long, and I'm hoping this new one will make it until I can get my transplant in November.
Two weeks ago, while having my dialysis treatments, I started getting a fever and chills. The nurse gave my Tylenol, and told me to go to the ER if the fever didn't go down. I felt pretty lousy the next day, but not feverish, so I went about my day...
Next treatment, same thing...fever and chills. They took some blood cultures at my catheter site to see if it was infected. The nurse called me Saturday and told me that I needed to go to the ER right away to get IV antibiotics. That was ER visit one. I spent six hours there that day...luckily there was a "Star Wars" marathon on TV. :)
I got more antibiotics at dialysis the following Monday (August 16). Tuesday was the day I broke my pinky toe--ER visit two.
Thursday (August 19)--dialysis, more antibiotics, and another set of blood cultures.
Saturday, August 21 I had a band fundraiser and performance in Prescott all day. Courtnie and I were together while Gordon took Ian to a football game in Flagstaff. We left the event at 5:00 and went to do our shopping for the week. My nephrologist called me while we were in Wal-Mart to tell me that my blood cultures came back positive for yet another infection. (This makes three different types now...) She told me I needed to head back to the ER for more antibiotics. This makes ER trip three.
Yesterday (August 23) I was back at dialysis and getting more antibiotics when the nephrologist came by. She said we'd need to remove my catheter, give it a few days to heal, and then put in a new one.
So...I woke up at 4:30 and headed out for the AKDHC surgical center in Phoenix. I was SOOO tired! Luckily, my good husband talked to me for a while to keep me awake. I got to the center at 7:15, but didn't get taken back until 8:15. I was ticked, as I needed to get back to school ASAP.
They prepped me for the procedure, which involved cleaning the site and draping sterile towels over me. The doctor then came in, gave me a few shots of lidocane to numb the area, (which HURT!!) and then started yanking and yanking on my catheter to remove it.
I don't know if it was the pain, my tiredness, or just sheer exhaustion at having to go through this all, but I started to cry. I lost it. I just got tired of it all. I wondered, yet again, when this was going to end.
The doctor looked at me a little strangely when they took the towels off and saw my wet eyes. It was all I could do to keep back the tears until they let me go and I could cry out loud in my truck. I wondered again how much more of this I need to endure before I can just lead a relatively normal life. I just want this to be over with.
I cried for a few minutes, then started for home. I called my sister, Michelle, who cheered me up. I'm so grateful for her...she listened to me, and even sent me a free Cold Stone! :) She's so good to me, and has given so much to me already. I'll never be able to repay her for the blessings she's given me and my family. I'm so fortunate to have two great sisters who are also two of my best friends.
My catheter site is hurting pretty badly, but I'll live. Thursday they will put a new one in, but this time I'll be under some kind of anesthesia--that should help. I've been fortunate that my previous one has lasted so long, and I'm hoping this new one will make it until I can get my transplant in November.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
My Pinky Toe!!
Yesterday was an interesting day...
We were having a GREAT rehearsal outside when a storm came in. Normally, I wouldn't move inside for a little storm, but we got a pretty close lightning strike, so I decided it was time. (It was pretty funny to see all of the football players hit the deck when the lightning hit....)
We moved inside and had a great full band rehearsal. Music is sounding really good, and my trumpets sounded strong, which is EXACTLY what we need for the music we're playing. (music from "The Mask of Zorro.")
I ended rehearsal at 5:00, and Gordon had ended football practice early, too, so we went to pick up our kids from the Primary bowling party at our local bowling alley. They weren't quite ready to go, so we sat down in some chairs and waited.
A friend walked by, and Gordon leaned back to talk to her. While he was leaning back, my foot wandered over near his chair. (wait for it...wait for it....) When he got tired of leaning back, he leaned forward to put all 4 legs of the chair down, and one of the chair legs (with all of his weight) landed on my right foot.
After screaming "OUCH!" pretty loudly, he removed the leg of the chair from my foot, which immediately started to swell and turn purple. I sat there for a bit, trying to regain my composure. Gordon apologized PROFUSELY, and I kept telling him to just be quiet. A few minutes later, I tried to stand and walk, but it wasn't happening.
Gordon carried me out of the bowling alley--"here comes the bride" style. I was pretty embarrassed.
We went to the ER, where I waited and waited and waited until they took me back for x-rays. Meanwhile, I'm hurting and worried about what I'm going to do if it's broken...how can I drive, walk, cope?
Turns out I broke my pinky toe. Not much you can do for that. They "buddy taped" my toes together and gave me a boot to walk in for the next couple of weeks just to stabilize things and make sure I don't re-injure it. I look really cool, and it's SO easy to walk in! :)
So, I ask you...what's next? :)
We were having a GREAT rehearsal outside when a storm came in. Normally, I wouldn't move inside for a little storm, but we got a pretty close lightning strike, so I decided it was time. (It was pretty funny to see all of the football players hit the deck when the lightning hit....)
We moved inside and had a great full band rehearsal. Music is sounding really good, and my trumpets sounded strong, which is EXACTLY what we need for the music we're playing. (music from "The Mask of Zorro.")
I ended rehearsal at 5:00, and Gordon had ended football practice early, too, so we went to pick up our kids from the Primary bowling party at our local bowling alley. They weren't quite ready to go, so we sat down in some chairs and waited.
A friend walked by, and Gordon leaned back to talk to her. While he was leaning back, my foot wandered over near his chair. (wait for it...wait for it....) When he got tired of leaning back, he leaned forward to put all 4 legs of the chair down, and one of the chair legs (with all of his weight) landed on my right foot.
After screaming "OUCH!" pretty loudly, he removed the leg of the chair from my foot, which immediately started to swell and turn purple. I sat there for a bit, trying to regain my composure. Gordon apologized PROFUSELY, and I kept telling him to just be quiet. A few minutes later, I tried to stand and walk, but it wasn't happening.
Gordon carried me out of the bowling alley--"here comes the bride" style. I was pretty embarrassed.
We went to the ER, where I waited and waited and waited until they took me back for x-rays. Meanwhile, I'm hurting and worried about what I'm going to do if it's broken...how can I drive, walk, cope?
Turns out I broke my pinky toe. Not much you can do for that. They "buddy taped" my toes together and gave me a boot to walk in for the next couple of weeks just to stabilize things and make sure I don't re-injure it. I look really cool, and it's SO easy to walk in! :)
So, I ask you...what's next? :)
Friday, August 13, 2010
Blech....
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
Every time I go to dialysis I get sick. I feel nauseous and exhausted all of the time. I'm so tired of feeling this way.
Last night I puked and puked and was so tired.
Gordon looked at me this morning and asked if I can wait for my transplant until December. I'm not sure that I can. I think that perhaps the thing that's making it harder is that I know another option is out there. Now that Michelle is a match, it's killing me to have to wait.
The problem is that I don't have ANYONE to take over marching band right now, and I just can't leave them high and dry. I did that last year when I thought it wouldn't make a difference, and it just about drove me insane. I felt so bad leaving the kids, and to them, this is their most important time. I just wish I could clone myself and be in two places at once.
I just need to be done with all of this.
Every time I go to dialysis I get sick. I feel nauseous and exhausted all of the time. I'm so tired of feeling this way.
Last night I puked and puked and was so tired.
Gordon looked at me this morning and asked if I can wait for my transplant until December. I'm not sure that I can. I think that perhaps the thing that's making it harder is that I know another option is out there. Now that Michelle is a match, it's killing me to have to wait.
The problem is that I don't have ANYONE to take over marching band right now, and I just can't leave them high and dry. I did that last year when I thought it wouldn't make a difference, and it just about drove me insane. I felt so bad leaving the kids, and to them, this is their most important time. I just wish I could clone myself and be in two places at once.
I just need to be done with all of this.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
"Things Will Work Out"
Another newsletter article. Someday I'll start blogging again...promise...
Like so many of us, my mother-in-law has a water and ice dispenser in her refrigerator door. As she lives in Chandler, and I always seem to be thirsty when I'm there, I'm at her refrigerator a lot. As I fill my cup, I read the various clippings and sayings she has on her door. The one that has been up there the longest is this one by President Gordon B. Hinkley:
"Keep trying. Be believing. Be happy. Don’t get discouraged. Things will work out.”
This simple statement stays with me long after I've quenched my thirst. To me, it is the essence of why we're here on the earth, and the key to our success.
We live in trying times. It is so easy to get discouraged when we look around us and see the state of the world in which we live. It is easy to wallow in misery when we think of our trials and how difficult life can be at times. That is exactly what the adversary wants us to do, and he delights when we are miserable.
We have been told that our purpose on earth is to be happy. We have also been told that we will be tried and tested while on the earth. How we choose to react to difficult times is the true measure of a successful life. We may not get to choose what happens to us, but we ALWAYS have a choice as to how we react.
A positive attitude, faith in Jesus Christ, and keeping an "eternal perspective" will get us through the trying times with flying colors. I believe with complete conviction that things will work out for our benefit. I know that our trials make us stronger people, better members of the Church, and more readily equipped to empathize with those around us.
Like so many of us, my mother-in-law has a water and ice dispenser in her refrigerator door. As she lives in Chandler, and I always seem to be thirsty when I'm there, I'm at her refrigerator a lot. As I fill my cup, I read the various clippings and sayings she has on her door. The one that has been up there the longest is this one by President Gordon B. Hinkley:
"Keep trying. Be believing. Be happy. Don’t get discouraged. Things will work out.”
This simple statement stays with me long after I've quenched my thirst. To me, it is the essence of why we're here on the earth, and the key to our success.
We live in trying times. It is so easy to get discouraged when we look around us and see the state of the world in which we live. It is easy to wallow in misery when we think of our trials and how difficult life can be at times. That is exactly what the adversary wants us to do, and he delights when we are miserable.
We have been told that our purpose on earth is to be happy. We have also been told that we will be tried and tested while on the earth. How we choose to react to difficult times is the true measure of a successful life. We may not get to choose what happens to us, but we ALWAYS have a choice as to how we react.
A positive attitude, faith in Jesus Christ, and keeping an "eternal perspective" will get us through the trying times with flying colors. I believe with complete conviction that things will work out for our benefit. I know that our trials make us stronger people, better members of the Church, and more readily equipped to empathize with those around us.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Finding Peace
The Ward Newsletter article I wrote this month. (After I'd watched the Star Wars marathon on Spike.) :)
One of my fondest childhood memories came at a time when I was very ill. I had cancer as a child, and my mom would have to drive me two hours each way to the hospital so that I could receive my chemotherapy treatments. It was difficult for her to do this, especially with four other children at home.
We were on our way home one evening in the summer of 1980 when--out of nowhere--my mom pulled off the freeway and into a movie theater. We went in, just the two of us, and watched "The Empire Strikes Back." To this day, this movie holds fond memories for me, not only because of the time I got to spend with my mom, but because of the message of this great movie.
I have seen this movie probably fifty times since, and each time I am amazed at how meaningful it is. I am particularly struck by the scenes where Luke is learning the ways of the Force. This passage from the movie has particular meaning for us:
Yoda: Yes, run! Yes, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice.
Luke: Vader... Is the dark side stronger?
Yoda: No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
Luke: But how am I to know the good side from the bad?
Yoda: You will know... when you are calm, at peace, passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, NEVER for attack.
We live in troubled times. It is sometimes all we can do to ask for peace in our lives. When we are at peace, the Spirit can be a powerful "force" in our lives. If we are quick to anger, quick to accuse and become offended easily, we become trapped in a vicious cycle. This cycle can be difficult to get out of, and we can lose that inner peace. It is always easier to get upset and become angry, but if we take time to use the Spirit in our dealings with others, conflicts will be resolved in a way that will creating lasting peace.
I know that we can all find the inner peace we desire. I pray that we can recognize the Spirit in our lives and the sweet feelings it brings to us.
One of my fondest childhood memories came at a time when I was very ill. I had cancer as a child, and my mom would have to drive me two hours each way to the hospital so that I could receive my chemotherapy treatments. It was difficult for her to do this, especially with four other children at home.
We were on our way home one evening in the summer of 1980 when--out of nowhere--my mom pulled off the freeway and into a movie theater. We went in, just the two of us, and watched "The Empire Strikes Back." To this day, this movie holds fond memories for me, not only because of the time I got to spend with my mom, but because of the message of this great movie.
I have seen this movie probably fifty times since, and each time I am amazed at how meaningful it is. I am particularly struck by the scenes where Luke is learning the ways of the Force. This passage from the movie has particular meaning for us:
Yoda: Yes, run! Yes, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice.
Luke: Vader... Is the dark side stronger?
Yoda: No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
Luke: But how am I to know the good side from the bad?
Yoda: You will know... when you are calm, at peace, passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, NEVER for attack.
We live in troubled times. It is sometimes all we can do to ask for peace in our lives. When we are at peace, the Spirit can be a powerful "force" in our lives. If we are quick to anger, quick to accuse and become offended easily, we become trapped in a vicious cycle. This cycle can be difficult to get out of, and we can lose that inner peace. It is always easier to get upset and become angry, but if we take time to use the Spirit in our dealings with others, conflicts will be resolved in a way that will creating lasting peace.
I know that we can all find the inner peace we desire. I pray that we can recognize the Spirit in our lives and the sweet feelings it brings to us.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Blah, blah, blah...
For those of you who don't know, it's been an interesting few weeks...
I started my testing at Mayo Clinic mid-April, and had four days of testing. I would drive back and forth to Phoenix each day--about a 75 minute trip each way. I did this because I was directing the music for our school's musical, so I needed to be back each night.
Thursday night I wasn't feeling so hot--in fact, I vomited all of my dinner back up when I got home from opening night of the musical. Sick. I then had to get up at 4:30 a.m. Friday morning to get to Phoenix by 6:30 for my first test. I vomited my cereal up on the way down. Sick again. I knew I was in trouble.
I had a heart stress test which again, made me vomit. My blood pressure was 230/130, a tad high. They sent me to the ER at Mayo for evaluations, and then checked me in to the hospital. Little did I know I'd be there for NINE days!! They were the longest nine days of my life, as I was so lonely. The kids were in school, Gordon was working, so I spent most of the time alone while they tried to figure out how to get my blood pressure under control. One day it would be super high, the next really low. Frustrating... The doctor was trying to get me off of one of my blood pressure meds he considered especially evil. This turned out to be a big mistake.
Finally got to check out on Sunday, just as I was about to go crazy! We went to Gordon's mom's house to pick up the kids and ate dinner with them. It was good to see the family. :)
I decided I needed to go to school the next day--big mistake. I felt like garbage, and didn't really do much good. I needed to finalize some things with my students, and we had some good talks. Decided not to go to Disneyland this year (we were slated to go next week.) This was a hard decision, but I just didn't want to go and get sick.
Monday night I vomited again, and continued to do so most of the night. I seriously thought I'd see my shoes in the bowl. We went to the ER on Tuesday, my blood pressure was high again and I couldn't keep anything down. They pumped me full of fluids, gave me some anti-nausea meds and I was feeling better, so we went home.
The "feeling better" part didn't last very long. I was sick again the next few days. Blood pressure was high, and nausea wouldn't stop. I went to my primary care doctor Thursday afternoon and she checked me into the hospital again. This time they put me on a blood pressure patch, which releases meds into my system gradually, and will continue to do so even if I can't keep anything else down.
It's working. I spent two days in the hospital and have felt fine ever since. I'm so grateful!
While I was so sick last week, I decided that going back to work this year just wasn't going to be the best thing for me. I feel awful about leaving my students, but I just have to do what's going to be the best for me right now. I need to stay as healthy as possible so that I can be ready for my transplant this summer. It's been hard to stay home and worry about them, but I know they will be okay. If I can get through this time, I'll be so much better off next year.
Just want the transplant to happen NOW!! Patience has never been my strong suit, but I'm working on it... :)
I started my testing at Mayo Clinic mid-April, and had four days of testing. I would drive back and forth to Phoenix each day--about a 75 minute trip each way. I did this because I was directing the music for our school's musical, so I needed to be back each night.
Thursday night I wasn't feeling so hot--in fact, I vomited all of my dinner back up when I got home from opening night of the musical. Sick. I then had to get up at 4:30 a.m. Friday morning to get to Phoenix by 6:30 for my first test. I vomited my cereal up on the way down. Sick again. I knew I was in trouble.
I had a heart stress test which again, made me vomit. My blood pressure was 230/130, a tad high. They sent me to the ER at Mayo for evaluations, and then checked me in to the hospital. Little did I know I'd be there for NINE days!! They were the longest nine days of my life, as I was so lonely. The kids were in school, Gordon was working, so I spent most of the time alone while they tried to figure out how to get my blood pressure under control. One day it would be super high, the next really low. Frustrating... The doctor was trying to get me off of one of my blood pressure meds he considered especially evil. This turned out to be a big mistake.
Finally got to check out on Sunday, just as I was about to go crazy! We went to Gordon's mom's house to pick up the kids and ate dinner with them. It was good to see the family. :)
I decided I needed to go to school the next day--big mistake. I felt like garbage, and didn't really do much good. I needed to finalize some things with my students, and we had some good talks. Decided not to go to Disneyland this year (we were slated to go next week.) This was a hard decision, but I just didn't want to go and get sick.
Monday night I vomited again, and continued to do so most of the night. I seriously thought I'd see my shoes in the bowl. We went to the ER on Tuesday, my blood pressure was high again and I couldn't keep anything down. They pumped me full of fluids, gave me some anti-nausea meds and I was feeling better, so we went home.
The "feeling better" part didn't last very long. I was sick again the next few days. Blood pressure was high, and nausea wouldn't stop. I went to my primary care doctor Thursday afternoon and she checked me into the hospital again. This time they put me on a blood pressure patch, which releases meds into my system gradually, and will continue to do so even if I can't keep anything else down.
It's working. I spent two days in the hospital and have felt fine ever since. I'm so grateful!
While I was so sick last week, I decided that going back to work this year just wasn't going to be the best thing for me. I feel awful about leaving my students, but I just have to do what's going to be the best for me right now. I need to stay as healthy as possible so that I can be ready for my transplant this summer. It's been hard to stay home and worry about them, but I know they will be okay. If I can get through this time, I'll be so much better off next year.
Just want the transplant to happen NOW!! Patience has never been my strong suit, but I'm working on it... :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)