I was at Circle K today (yes, getting a Diet Pepsi) and was walking out when I was bombarded with cigar smoke.
Smoking is such a nasty habit. (Kind of like drinking too much Diet Pepsi--I know, dad!) I'm so grateful that it never appealed to me. Particularly in this day and age, you just can't smoke anywhere and it's become so expensive.
If what I'm seeing is correct, a pack of cigarettes cost around $5.00 a pack. I'll be the average person goes through 5 packs/week. That's $1300 a year on something that is really terrible for your body. It's also rare that just one person in the household smokes, so that $1300 probably doubles to $2600. Then there's the cost of health care, which is most likely higher because they are smokers, along with the additional doctor's visits they have related to their smoking.
When I go out to eat I'm accosted with smokers getting their last cigarette before they go into eat. Or their first cigarette after they're done eating. How awful to not be able to enjoy just sitting and relaxing with your "date" as you're too busy worrying about how quickly you can go out for a smoke.
It's like a huge ball and chain, and not the one you're married to! :)
I'm grateful for Joseph Smith and for the Word of Wisdom. It makes so much sense--it's what we know for a fact today, and what they did on faith then. I'm grateful for my children who see how incredibly stupid smoking is and have no desire to do it. I hope they remember that decision when times get tough and they are tempted.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Hell Hath No Fury...
Before you read this letter I wrote to Mike Vax, I should give you a little of the back story behind it...
Mike Vax is a resident of Prescott who used to play lead trumpet in the Stan Kenton big band. This is kind of a big deal, as the Kenton band is one of THE top five jazz bands, historically speaking. Eight years ago, he started a jazz festival (called the Jazz Summit) where he brings in other jazz musicians and they have concerts throughout the weekend. The "pros" also do clinics for the high school musicians in the area, and my high school has been a part of this festival for the past two years.
Sounds like a nice guy, huh? It's a nice idea, but done in a way that is not good. As I said before, Mike Vax is not only a trumpet player, but a lead trumpet player, so the ego is so over-inflated I'm surprised he can fit through the door.
Anyway--here's the letter I wrote to him after the festival yesterday. I think it's pretty self-explanatory.
August 30, 2009
Mike,
As a music educator for the past fourteen years, I feel I have the best job in the world. I have the opportunity to teach my students about music and in the process instill a life-long love of the arts. I would say that the vast majority of my professional days are exceptional, and I leave at the end of the day feeling like I’ve done what I set out to do.
I have had two “low points” in my career, and yesterday at the Jazz Summit was one of them. I was humiliated publicly by a clinician, made to feel stupid and inferior by another director, and belittled and yelled at by you.
Scott’s comment about my selection of music for my band is a comment that should have been made privately to me—not in front of my band and the entire audience. Of course I know who Sammy Nestico is, but to insinuate that all of my students –many of whom hadn’t even played jazz before school started this year—should all know who he is after two weeks is ridiculous. I have plenty of Nestico in my library, and we play several of his charts throughout the year. The performance yesterday was one small “snapshot” of our year, and his comment made it seem like I don’t know what I’m doing at all.
After my band’s clinic, Doug Tidaback asked me if I’d had any jazz training at all. Needless to say, this didn’t sit too well with me. As you know, I attended Brigham Young University and studied jazz with Ray Smith, who directs one of the top jazz programs in the country. I didn’t bother telling Doug this, as he thinks what he does is better than what anyone else could ever do.
Throughout the day, you continually made comments to me about my students and what they couldn’t do, as if I didn’t know how to manage my students. My students are extremely well behaved and respectful. Perhaps we shouldn’t have left before Doug’s band finished, but I will tell you that we were there the entire day and not ONE of my students took out a cell phone the entire time. Doug’s kids were continually texting on their phones during all of the performances. Who got more out of the performances?
You and your clinicians have no idea what it is like to teach in rural Arizona, where we don’t have the resources that schools in larger cities do. There aren’t teachers available for private lessons, we don’t have a university nearby, and at Bradshaw, many of my student’s parents didn’t even attend college. Even if we did have teachers, most of my students couldn’t afford to take lessons—their parents are barely paying the rent. Most of my students don’t even have a clue what jazz is, and I have a huge job to do in teaching them the language, culture and history of jazz. I work hard to do this under a severe time crunch. The fact that your festival is three weeks after school starts, and I’m expected to have two charts ready to perform makes it difficult for me to get to deep into what jazz is…I’m too busy teaching the notes on the page.
You gave me an ultimatum yesterday (again in front of my students when it should have been done privately.) You said that if we couldn’t stay, we couldn’t play. I don’t deal well with people who give me ultimatums—that’s not how an educator operates. In the future, we won’t have anything to do with you or your festival. I am enclosing a check for the tickets we sold, and you can keep the money that you would have given us as a donation. Better yet, give it to Dan Bradstreet. He works way too hard at this festival and doesn’t get enough out of it financially. It seems as though neither of us can live up to your expectations. You cuss at me, speak disrespectfully and condescendingly to me and nothing I can do is good enough. I am fairly certain he feels the same way.
Life is too short to deal with people like you. I refuse to be treated like a lesser person—a little girl who doesn’t know the first thing about jazz or how to teach it. I don’t have time for it anymore. Please don’t ask me to be a part of your festival anymore. It’s not “about the kids,” it’s about you and your opportunity to re-live the glory days with other musicians in the name of “doing it for the kids.”
I will continue to do the very best I can with my students and the limited resources I am given. That is my job as an educator—not to cater to the whims of others. I have to trust in my own judgment and what I know is best for my students.
Respectfully,
Amie Cobb
Mike Vax is a resident of Prescott who used to play lead trumpet in the Stan Kenton big band. This is kind of a big deal, as the Kenton band is one of THE top five jazz bands, historically speaking. Eight years ago, he started a jazz festival (called the Jazz Summit) where he brings in other jazz musicians and they have concerts throughout the weekend. The "pros" also do clinics for the high school musicians in the area, and my high school has been a part of this festival for the past two years.
Sounds like a nice guy, huh? It's a nice idea, but done in a way that is not good. As I said before, Mike Vax is not only a trumpet player, but a lead trumpet player, so the ego is so over-inflated I'm surprised he can fit through the door.
Anyway--here's the letter I wrote to him after the festival yesterday. I think it's pretty self-explanatory.
August 30, 2009
Mike,
As a music educator for the past fourteen years, I feel I have the best job in the world. I have the opportunity to teach my students about music and in the process instill a life-long love of the arts. I would say that the vast majority of my professional days are exceptional, and I leave at the end of the day feeling like I’ve done what I set out to do.
I have had two “low points” in my career, and yesterday at the Jazz Summit was one of them. I was humiliated publicly by a clinician, made to feel stupid and inferior by another director, and belittled and yelled at by you.
Scott’s comment about my selection of music for my band is a comment that should have been made privately to me—not in front of my band and the entire audience. Of course I know who Sammy Nestico is, but to insinuate that all of my students –many of whom hadn’t even played jazz before school started this year—should all know who he is after two weeks is ridiculous. I have plenty of Nestico in my library, and we play several of his charts throughout the year. The performance yesterday was one small “snapshot” of our year, and his comment made it seem like I don’t know what I’m doing at all.
After my band’s clinic, Doug Tidaback asked me if I’d had any jazz training at all. Needless to say, this didn’t sit too well with me. As you know, I attended Brigham Young University and studied jazz with Ray Smith, who directs one of the top jazz programs in the country. I didn’t bother telling Doug this, as he thinks what he does is better than what anyone else could ever do.
Throughout the day, you continually made comments to me about my students and what they couldn’t do, as if I didn’t know how to manage my students. My students are extremely well behaved and respectful. Perhaps we shouldn’t have left before Doug’s band finished, but I will tell you that we were there the entire day and not ONE of my students took out a cell phone the entire time. Doug’s kids were continually texting on their phones during all of the performances. Who got more out of the performances?
You and your clinicians have no idea what it is like to teach in rural Arizona, where we don’t have the resources that schools in larger cities do. There aren’t teachers available for private lessons, we don’t have a university nearby, and at Bradshaw, many of my student’s parents didn’t even attend college. Even if we did have teachers, most of my students couldn’t afford to take lessons—their parents are barely paying the rent. Most of my students don’t even have a clue what jazz is, and I have a huge job to do in teaching them the language, culture and history of jazz. I work hard to do this under a severe time crunch. The fact that your festival is three weeks after school starts, and I’m expected to have two charts ready to perform makes it difficult for me to get to deep into what jazz is…I’m too busy teaching the notes on the page.
You gave me an ultimatum yesterday (again in front of my students when it should have been done privately.) You said that if we couldn’t stay, we couldn’t play. I don’t deal well with people who give me ultimatums—that’s not how an educator operates. In the future, we won’t have anything to do with you or your festival. I am enclosing a check for the tickets we sold, and you can keep the money that you would have given us as a donation. Better yet, give it to Dan Bradstreet. He works way too hard at this festival and doesn’t get enough out of it financially. It seems as though neither of us can live up to your expectations. You cuss at me, speak disrespectfully and condescendingly to me and nothing I can do is good enough. I am fairly certain he feels the same way.
Life is too short to deal with people like you. I refuse to be treated like a lesser person—a little girl who doesn’t know the first thing about jazz or how to teach it. I don’t have time for it anymore. Please don’t ask me to be a part of your festival anymore. It’s not “about the kids,” it’s about you and your opportunity to re-live the glory days with other musicians in the name of “doing it for the kids.”
I will continue to do the very best I can with my students and the limited resources I am given. That is my job as an educator—not to cater to the whims of others. I have to trust in my own judgment and what I know is best for my students.
Respectfully,
Amie Cobb
Friday, August 28, 2009
Forgive and forget?
I had an incident happen over the summer with a couple of students. One might call it "sexual harassment." I don't know what happened...I wasn't in the room when it happened. It happened during our summer leadership workshop that we attend each year in Mesa.
The two students involved seem content to move on and get past it. In fact, I haven't heard a word about it from either of them (or from anyone else, for that matter) since school started. One of the students involved was punished, and my administrators consider the case closed, and the situation complete.
I take some of my students to another mini-workshop in a couple of weeks. It's a four-hour workshop in Mesa and I take them because I need to go down there anyway. (It's our annual band director's meeting.) Plus--it's a great workshop and a super pick-me-up for them.
I sent out an email to the parents and students that I'd like to have attend. The mom of the student that was "assaulted" sent me an email that said she was "disgusted" that the other student who "assaulted" her child is still allowed to be in a leadership position and that she didn't feel he'd been appropriately punished.
First of all, the only thing that's been admitted to is arm-rubbing while head was on shoulder. That's it. Secondly, the student has been punished--he's not allowed to go on any more overnight trips, which is huge this year as we're going to Disneyland in the spring, and he's a senior. Thirdly, he's been an EXCELLENT leader, probably the best we've had in this position.
When is it time to let things go and move on? Would I feel differently if this were my child? Perhaps, but I'd also know that the punishment fits the crime. I like to think that I'm pretty fair and level headed, but is she right in being so hateful towards this child? I know that I can be a little "mama bear"-ish when it comes to my kids, and I'd do anything to protect them. How would I react to a situation like this?
I was pretty upset at her email this morning. It got me thinking a lot (which is something I don't like to do very often.) I care about both of these students, and--like I said--they both seem to have moved past it. Why can't she?
The two students involved seem content to move on and get past it. In fact, I haven't heard a word about it from either of them (or from anyone else, for that matter) since school started. One of the students involved was punished, and my administrators consider the case closed, and the situation complete.
I take some of my students to another mini-workshop in a couple of weeks. It's a four-hour workshop in Mesa and I take them because I need to go down there anyway. (It's our annual band director's meeting.) Plus--it's a great workshop and a super pick-me-up for them.
I sent out an email to the parents and students that I'd like to have attend. The mom of the student that was "assaulted" sent me an email that said she was "disgusted" that the other student who "assaulted" her child is still allowed to be in a leadership position and that she didn't feel he'd been appropriately punished.
First of all, the only thing that's been admitted to is arm-rubbing while head was on shoulder. That's it. Secondly, the student has been punished--he's not allowed to go on any more overnight trips, which is huge this year as we're going to Disneyland in the spring, and he's a senior. Thirdly, he's been an EXCELLENT leader, probably the best we've had in this position.
When is it time to let things go and move on? Would I feel differently if this were my child? Perhaps, but I'd also know that the punishment fits the crime. I like to think that I'm pretty fair and level headed, but is she right in being so hateful towards this child? I know that I can be a little "mama bear"-ish when it comes to my kids, and I'd do anything to protect them. How would I react to a situation like this?
I was pretty upset at her email this morning. It got me thinking a lot (which is something I don't like to do very often.) I care about both of these students, and--like I said--they both seem to have moved past it. Why can't she?
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Liberty Jail
I grabbed September's Ensign to read today while at Ian's piano lesson. The cover headline was President Uchtdorf's article on the role of righteous women. Normally I read the first article right away, but I flipped through to the middle this time.
The first article I came to was Elder Holland's article on Joseph Smith's time in Liberty Jail. Even though I have learned about this period of time before, reading this article made me think differently about this time. I was reminded of how terrible the conditions were in the jail...men couldn't stand upright because the ceilings were so low, their food was rotten and moldy--and sometimes poisoned, they were cold, without their family, and--worst of all--had no idea what was going to happen to them.
I can imagine being Joseph Smith in that jail, the suffering and trials he had to endure. The counsel he was given while in the jail is some of the most beautiful in the scriptures. Our Father in Heaven is truly speaking to Joseph Smith and the words He gives are exactly what I would imagine my earthly father giving to me. It is beautiful advice and counsel. The words that are that is the most poignant to me are these:
Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-8
7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
The part that hit me today was "endure it well." Elder Holland encouraged us to be cheerful about our afflictions. Hmm... I'm not always as happy as I could be about my afflictions. Isn't that why they're afflictions? If they were anything else, they'd call them happy-flictions or something! :)
Elder Holland speaks to us as though we're right in the room with him and he's having a conversation with us. He spoke at our stake conference a few years ago and I don't recall having a more spiritual meeting. His counsel struck me today as I get grumpy about my own trials...sometimes feeling sorry for myself and wishing things could be different. If I seek to be exalted on high, I need to learn to endure my trials better. I know that this is what life is all about.
Once again, life isn't about what happens to us, it's about what we do with what's happened to us.
The first article I came to was Elder Holland's article on Joseph Smith's time in Liberty Jail. Even though I have learned about this period of time before, reading this article made me think differently about this time. I was reminded of how terrible the conditions were in the jail...men couldn't stand upright because the ceilings were so low, their food was rotten and moldy--and sometimes poisoned, they were cold, without their family, and--worst of all--had no idea what was going to happen to them.
I can imagine being Joseph Smith in that jail, the suffering and trials he had to endure. The counsel he was given while in the jail is some of the most beautiful in the scriptures. Our Father in Heaven is truly speaking to Joseph Smith and the words He gives are exactly what I would imagine my earthly father giving to me. It is beautiful advice and counsel. The words that are that is the most poignant to me are these:
Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-8
7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
The part that hit me today was "endure it well." Elder Holland encouraged us to be cheerful about our afflictions. Hmm... I'm not always as happy as I could be about my afflictions. Isn't that why they're afflictions? If they were anything else, they'd call them happy-flictions or something! :)
Elder Holland speaks to us as though we're right in the room with him and he's having a conversation with us. He spoke at our stake conference a few years ago and I don't recall having a more spiritual meeting. His counsel struck me today as I get grumpy about my own trials...sometimes feeling sorry for myself and wishing things could be different. If I seek to be exalted on high, I need to learn to endure my trials better. I know that this is what life is all about.
Once again, life isn't about what happens to us, it's about what we do with what's happened to us.
Monday, August 24, 2009
I'm just a girl who can't say no...
I think I can blame my mom for this one...
I can't say no.
"Hey, Amie. Do you want to come and play in the the community college big band?"
Sure...it's only once a week, right?
"Hey, Amie. Do you want to be a part of the Prescott Jazz Summit?"
Sure...how much time can it take?
"Hey, Amie. Do you want to be in the band to back up Toni Tennille this weekend?"
Sure...it pays a little, too!
"Hey, Amie. Do you want to go and teach band to 100 kids per day? Be their teacher, counselor, advisor and part-time mother?"
Sure...I think I can do that.
"Hey, Amie. Will you be the 2nd counselor in the Relief Society presidency?"
Sure...it will be tough to schedule things in during marching season, but we'll make it work.
"Hey, Amie. Can you be my mom?"
Sure...it's what I've always wanted.
I know, WHINE, WHINE, WHINE.
Someday maybe I'll learn to say, "No thanks, I'm just too busy right now."
On second thought, I probably won't.
I can't say no.
"Hey, Amie. Do you want to come and play in the the community college big band?"
Sure...it's only once a week, right?
"Hey, Amie. Do you want to be a part of the Prescott Jazz Summit?"
Sure...how much time can it take?
"Hey, Amie. Do you want to be in the band to back up Toni Tennille this weekend?"
Sure...it pays a little, too!
"Hey, Amie. Do you want to go and teach band to 100 kids per day? Be their teacher, counselor, advisor and part-time mother?"
Sure...I think I can do that.
"Hey, Amie. Will you be the 2nd counselor in the Relief Society presidency?"
Sure...it will be tough to schedule things in during marching season, but we'll make it work.
"Hey, Amie. Can you be my mom?"
Sure...it's what I've always wanted.
I know, WHINE, WHINE, WHINE.
Someday maybe I'll learn to say, "No thanks, I'm just too busy right now."
On second thought, I probably won't.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Thoughts on Julia Child
I just got back from seeing the movie "Julie and Julia." It was one of the cutest movies I've seen in a long time.
I remember seeing snippets of Julia Child's cooking show growing up, and laughing hysterically when Saturday Night Live would do a parody of her on their show. She could make even the most uncoordinated and clumsy person feel graceful! I didn't realize how tall she was!
She began cooking because she loved food and needed something to occupy her time while her husband worked. She enrolled in Le Cordon Bleu cooking school, where she was the only female in a world dominated by men. She became very competitive and excelled in class. Her attitude was great to watch--she almost thrived on someone telling her that she couldn't do something.
While I'm no Julia Child, I was able to see some parallels in my own life. I am a female high school band director--which is rare. I think there are only five or six of us in the entire state. I, too, seem to thrive when someone tells me I can't do something. It's like I enjoy doing things anyway--just to spite them. I'm also pretty competitive, but don't tell Gordon that! (Especially when we play cards...)
At one point in the movie, Julia's sister gets married and becomes pregnant right away. When Julia (who had been married for several years and unable to have children) learned of the pregnancy, she cried...and then said, "I really am happy." You could see the disappointment and hurt on her face.
This was poignant to me, as I felt the same way when I found out my sister-in-law was pregnant after only being married a short time. Gordon and I had been waiting for five years for a child, and she was married less than six months! It hardly seemed fair, and I remember crying and crying about it. I didn't know it at the time, but Gordon had found out earlier that day that we'd been chosen to be Ian's parents. He let me suffer--the goof!
Throughout it all, Julia kept a great attitude. She maintained a fighter's attitude and never gave up, even when she'd ruin a perfectly good dish on national TV. She'd find a way to learn from it while at the same time teaching us all to learn from her mistakes. What a lesson to me. When life gives me issues to deal with, I need to look at them as learning opportunities rather than trials. I know we're sent here to deal with those issues, and I know we'll be judged on how we deal with them.
If Julia Child can deal with a ruined omelet on national TV, surely I can deal with whatever can come my way.
I remember seeing snippets of Julia Child's cooking show growing up, and laughing hysterically when Saturday Night Live would do a parody of her on their show. She could make even the most uncoordinated and clumsy person feel graceful! I didn't realize how tall she was!
She began cooking because she loved food and needed something to occupy her time while her husband worked. She enrolled in Le Cordon Bleu cooking school, where she was the only female in a world dominated by men. She became very competitive and excelled in class. Her attitude was great to watch--she almost thrived on someone telling her that she couldn't do something.
While I'm no Julia Child, I was able to see some parallels in my own life. I am a female high school band director--which is rare. I think there are only five or six of us in the entire state. I, too, seem to thrive when someone tells me I can't do something. It's like I enjoy doing things anyway--just to spite them. I'm also pretty competitive, but don't tell Gordon that! (Especially when we play cards...)
At one point in the movie, Julia's sister gets married and becomes pregnant right away. When Julia (who had been married for several years and unable to have children) learned of the pregnancy, she cried...and then said, "I really am happy." You could see the disappointment and hurt on her face.
This was poignant to me, as I felt the same way when I found out my sister-in-law was pregnant after only being married a short time. Gordon and I had been waiting for five years for a child, and she was married less than six months! It hardly seemed fair, and I remember crying and crying about it. I didn't know it at the time, but Gordon had found out earlier that day that we'd been chosen to be Ian's parents. He let me suffer--the goof!
Throughout it all, Julia kept a great attitude. She maintained a fighter's attitude and never gave up, even when she'd ruin a perfectly good dish on national TV. She'd find a way to learn from it while at the same time teaching us all to learn from her mistakes. What a lesson to me. When life gives me issues to deal with, I need to look at them as learning opportunities rather than trials. I know we're sent here to deal with those issues, and I know we'll be judged on how we deal with them.
If Julia Child can deal with a ruined omelet on national TV, surely I can deal with whatever can come my way.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Nobody knows...
Okay, it's time for another pity session again. Don't read on if you don't want to hear it. I don't care. :)
So, for the past few years I've been having problems with my lower back and numbness in my legs when I walk. It feels like I would imagine an epidural would feel. I have function, I can walk, but my legs and butt go completely numb.
About 3 years ago I started seeing a chiropractor for it, and then realized after about 3 months that it wasn't getting any better. I couldn't walk for more than about a block without going numb. It was expensive, and not covered by insurance, so I stopped going. Eventually the numbness went away almost entirely, so I thought I was fine.
This past spring I started having serious pain in my conducting arm. My forearm and elbow would hurt like none other when I'd conduct. I knew that our friend Sam (another chiropractor) had helped Gordon with pain like this in the past, so I went to see him. After some serious bruising and intense pain sessions, my arm is better.
During one of the visits, he told me he wanted to take a look at my lower back. (I guess I just have "that look" about me.) He did some decompression therapy on my lower back, and told me that my muscles were extremely tight back there. I figured we'd work on it and it would be fine.
Right after I left Sam's office, I went to Wal-Mart to do some shopping. Five minutes in to my shopping, I went completely numb. More numb than I've ever been before. I felt like I was wearing clown shoes, and it was all I could do to keep going. I went back the next week to Sam's office and told him what happened. He ordered x-rays to see what's going on.
Right about that time I left for my trip to Utah and didn't get the x-rays done. I still continued to go numb about 1-2 times a week. In addition to the numbness, my leg muscles grow EXTREMELY fatigued after walking a short distance. I know I'm not in the greatest shape, but I should be able to walk farther than the parking lot to my room without growing so tired that I feel like I can't take another step. I knew that something more was wrong.
I Googled my symptoms. (I adore Google!) All of my symptoms seem to point towards something called "lumbar stenosis," which basically means my spinal cord is being choked to death. Knowing my history, with the radiation treatments in that area and all, it makes a lot of sense. I also have a mild case of osteoporosis, which also accounts for the deterioration of the bones in my spine.
I went to see my primary care doctor (whom I also adore) and she was very concerned about my symptoms and ordered an MRI right away. If this deteriorates much more I'll lose control of my bowels. Not cool. Definitely DON'T want that to happen!
There are several things that can be done for this, if in fact it turns out to be lumbar stenosis. The first step is physical therapy and cortisone injections. The next step is surgery to open up the cavity where the spinal cord is located. Given my age, this may be the most logical step. We'll have to wait and see what the MRI says, but it's so good to know that we're "on the case."
I am so grateful for a wonderful doctor who listens and is concerned about me. Sometimes I feel like such a whiner when I go in and see her, but she never makes me feel that way. I definitely don't want to sound like a hypochondriac, but I feel that way sometimes, too. I just want to feel normal. But then again, who knows what "normal" is? I tell my students all of the time that they way they feel right now is just about as good as it gets. :)
I'm also grateful for good health insurance. In this time of debate over the current insurance situation, it makes me truly frightened for what could be. I don't pretend to understand it all, but I enjoy what health coverage I have now, and the freedoms it gives me to get the testing I need. I'm hoping this issue will come to a resolution soon, and it is one that will benefit all.
So, for the past few years I've been having problems with my lower back and numbness in my legs when I walk. It feels like I would imagine an epidural would feel. I have function, I can walk, but my legs and butt go completely numb.
About 3 years ago I started seeing a chiropractor for it, and then realized after about 3 months that it wasn't getting any better. I couldn't walk for more than about a block without going numb. It was expensive, and not covered by insurance, so I stopped going. Eventually the numbness went away almost entirely, so I thought I was fine.
This past spring I started having serious pain in my conducting arm. My forearm and elbow would hurt like none other when I'd conduct. I knew that our friend Sam (another chiropractor) had helped Gordon with pain like this in the past, so I went to see him. After some serious bruising and intense pain sessions, my arm is better.
During one of the visits, he told me he wanted to take a look at my lower back. (I guess I just have "that look" about me.) He did some decompression therapy on my lower back, and told me that my muscles were extremely tight back there. I figured we'd work on it and it would be fine.
Right after I left Sam's office, I went to Wal-Mart to do some shopping. Five minutes in to my shopping, I went completely numb. More numb than I've ever been before. I felt like I was wearing clown shoes, and it was all I could do to keep going. I went back the next week to Sam's office and told him what happened. He ordered x-rays to see what's going on.
Right about that time I left for my trip to Utah and didn't get the x-rays done. I still continued to go numb about 1-2 times a week. In addition to the numbness, my leg muscles grow EXTREMELY fatigued after walking a short distance. I know I'm not in the greatest shape, but I should be able to walk farther than the parking lot to my room without growing so tired that I feel like I can't take another step. I knew that something more was wrong.
I Googled my symptoms. (I adore Google!) All of my symptoms seem to point towards something called "lumbar stenosis," which basically means my spinal cord is being choked to death. Knowing my history, with the radiation treatments in that area and all, it makes a lot of sense. I also have a mild case of osteoporosis, which also accounts for the deterioration of the bones in my spine.
I went to see my primary care doctor (whom I also adore) and she was very concerned about my symptoms and ordered an MRI right away. If this deteriorates much more I'll lose control of my bowels. Not cool. Definitely DON'T want that to happen!
There are several things that can be done for this, if in fact it turns out to be lumbar stenosis. The first step is physical therapy and cortisone injections. The next step is surgery to open up the cavity where the spinal cord is located. Given my age, this may be the most logical step. We'll have to wait and see what the MRI says, but it's so good to know that we're "on the case."
I am so grateful for a wonderful doctor who listens and is concerned about me. Sometimes I feel like such a whiner when I go in and see her, but she never makes me feel that way. I definitely don't want to sound like a hypochondriac, but I feel that way sometimes, too. I just want to feel normal. But then again, who knows what "normal" is? I tell my students all of the time that they way they feel right now is just about as good as it gets. :)
I'm also grateful for good health insurance. In this time of debate over the current insurance situation, it makes me truly frightened for what could be. I don't pretend to understand it all, but I enjoy what health coverage I have now, and the freedoms it gives me to get the testing I need. I'm hoping this issue will come to a resolution soon, and it is one that will benefit all.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Gordon and the mighty horse
Today is Gordon's 42nd birthday. As we were driving today, he looked at me and said, "When you're 42, I hope you look this good." I love his sense of humor. (He was rubbing his "keg" as he said it.) ;)
We traveled to the Valley of the Sun today and (yet again) wondered why/how people can live there. It was 108 at 1:00! Too much!
We were able to get Gordon his favorite bean and cheese burrito from Elmer's, so it was a great day for him. We stopped in at his mom's for a bit and then went to Queen Creek to pick up Courtnie's new horse, Buddy.
Buddy has been around the block a few times. We think he's 35 years old, which is like 90 in human years. We don't know if he'll canter, or even trot, but he'll be fun for Courtnie to hang out with. It's amazing how quickly she's fallen in love with riding horses. Her teacher, Kaylee says she's a natural. I'm glad she's found something she enjoys. That's all we can hope for as parents.
I was texting my brother Alex today and giving him a hard time for going to Utah and not coming to see us in Arizona. He texted back and said he's on his way to come see us. I was just kidding him, but he's serious. He's probably close to Flagstaff right now. He's alone, and will have a long drive back, but it will be fun to see him for a bit. I'm still hoping he can hook me up with a cheap laptop. (He works at Best Buy.)
I slept really well last night and feel somewhat refreshed for the week ahead. I have a rehearsal tomorrow afternoon--that means I'll miss my Sunday nap, but I'll survive. I always do. :)
We traveled to the Valley of the Sun today and (yet again) wondered why/how people can live there. It was 108 at 1:00! Too much!
We were able to get Gordon his favorite bean and cheese burrito from Elmer's, so it was a great day for him. We stopped in at his mom's for a bit and then went to Queen Creek to pick up Courtnie's new horse, Buddy.
Buddy has been around the block a few times. We think he's 35 years old, which is like 90 in human years. We don't know if he'll canter, or even trot, but he'll be fun for Courtnie to hang out with. It's amazing how quickly she's fallen in love with riding horses. Her teacher, Kaylee says she's a natural. I'm glad she's found something she enjoys. That's all we can hope for as parents.
I was texting my brother Alex today and giving him a hard time for going to Utah and not coming to see us in Arizona. He texted back and said he's on his way to come see us. I was just kidding him, but he's serious. He's probably close to Flagstaff right now. He's alone, and will have a long drive back, but it will be fun to see him for a bit. I'm still hoping he can hook me up with a cheap laptop. (He works at Best Buy.)
I slept really well last night and feel somewhat refreshed for the week ahead. I have a rehearsal tomorrow afternoon--that means I'll miss my Sunday nap, but I'll survive. I always do. :)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!
Well, after a long hiatus, I'm back.
I've realized that I've missed writing down my thoughts, and even though I'm now woefully busy, I'm going to start back up. (Like it or not!)
I'm now starting my fourth day of school. It's weird to me that we start so early--band camp started in July! I think I get to a place over the summer when I'm just ready to go back, so I guess early is good.
I volunteered to do some pretty weird stuff with my schedule this year and it just may kill me. I love jazz...teaching, playing--whatever. When I started teaching at BMHS six years ago the principal called me in and told me that he was going to have to cut jazz band because there weren't enough kids in the class. I told him that I'd find the kids, and I did. "Finding kids" has come at a cost, and I've been fighting it ever since. For the past five years, we've had a mediocre jazz band because most kids can't fit it into their schedule. I've been stuck with whoever could make it work. I have had some great musicians in the class, but a lot of kids who just don't belong. I believe very strongly that the jazz band should be the "cream of the crop."
In order to make it work this year, I'm teaching it as an "early bird" class, every morning at 7:00 a.m. This may not sound early, but it means I have to get up and get going by 5:30, which is torture for a non-morning person like me. So far, so good--kids are showing up on time and we're getting work done. It's hard to get Ian and Courtnie up and moving some days (Courtnie more so than Ian) but I think they'll get used to it.
I also have marching band practice from 2:30-5:00 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but that's another story...
I saw my husband for a total of 10 minutes yesterday. After leaving early from school early yesterday, I rushed home, put dinner in the crock pot, then went and did RS visits. That ended at 6:20. I rushed home again, cooked some rice, did the dishes and had another meeting at the church. When that ended at 8:45, I went to the hospital to visit a sister who was having chest pains. (Turns out she's okay...) I got home around 9:45, just in time to kiss my husband good bye before he went to work and I went to bed. He has football practice every day from 2:15 to 6:00, and although he's happy and I'm happy, we're both too busy to do much else.
When do we clean our house, fold laundry, and everything else we need to get done?
Frustrating!
So, we take it one day at a time.
I'm having a great year so far in band. I'm up to 90 kids in the band, and 43 of them are freshmen. Luckily, they're all pretty good kids and they've learned fast. Things are progressing fairly well, which is good because our first game is September 4. It's going to be here before we know it!
I've realized that I've missed writing down my thoughts, and even though I'm now woefully busy, I'm going to start back up. (Like it or not!)
I'm now starting my fourth day of school. It's weird to me that we start so early--band camp started in July! I think I get to a place over the summer when I'm just ready to go back, so I guess early is good.
I volunteered to do some pretty weird stuff with my schedule this year and it just may kill me. I love jazz...teaching, playing--whatever. When I started teaching at BMHS six years ago the principal called me in and told me that he was going to have to cut jazz band because there weren't enough kids in the class. I told him that I'd find the kids, and I did. "Finding kids" has come at a cost, and I've been fighting it ever since. For the past five years, we've had a mediocre jazz band because most kids can't fit it into their schedule. I've been stuck with whoever could make it work. I have had some great musicians in the class, but a lot of kids who just don't belong. I believe very strongly that the jazz band should be the "cream of the crop."
In order to make it work this year, I'm teaching it as an "early bird" class, every morning at 7:00 a.m. This may not sound early, but it means I have to get up and get going by 5:30, which is torture for a non-morning person like me. So far, so good--kids are showing up on time and we're getting work done. It's hard to get Ian and Courtnie up and moving some days (Courtnie more so than Ian) but I think they'll get used to it.
I also have marching band practice from 2:30-5:00 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but that's another story...
I saw my husband for a total of 10 minutes yesterday. After leaving early from school early yesterday, I rushed home, put dinner in the crock pot, then went and did RS visits. That ended at 6:20. I rushed home again, cooked some rice, did the dishes and had another meeting at the church. When that ended at 8:45, I went to the hospital to visit a sister who was having chest pains. (Turns out she's okay...) I got home around 9:45, just in time to kiss my husband good bye before he went to work and I went to bed. He has football practice every day from 2:15 to 6:00, and although he's happy and I'm happy, we're both too busy to do much else.
When do we clean our house, fold laundry, and everything else we need to get done?
Frustrating!
So, we take it one day at a time.
I'm having a great year so far in band. I'm up to 90 kids in the band, and 43 of them are freshmen. Luckily, they're all pretty good kids and they've learned fast. Things are progressing fairly well, which is good because our first game is September 4. It's going to be here before we know it!
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