Lacking faith?

Tuesday while I was getting my dialysis treatment, the nephrologist came by on his bi-weekly "rounds." I guess he figures we've got little else to do while attached to a machine that is sucking out your blood. ;)

He's a nice guy, always smiling. He seems like he cares, but is a little distant. Yesterday he asked me how I was doing and if I needed anything. Jokingly, I said, "Well, I could use some new kidneys." He laughed and said that that would be helpful! He asked if I wanted to start the transplant process, and I said that I was ready. His point--and it's a good one--is that if we get the process going and my kidneys kick in, we just stop the process. No harm done.

In January, I received a priesthood blessing that my kidneys would regain their normal function. While I remain positive and hopeful, I know that as time passes, so does the chance of that happening. I know that I have the Lord on my side, and I know that He's looking out for me.

So--does the fact that I'm proceeding with the transplant mean I'm lacking faith? This is the issue that I've been struggling with for the past few weeks. I want to receive blessings and to show that I have faith in Him and the healing powers of blessings, but I want so badly to be healthy. I feel like a transplant may be my only option. Did the blessing that I'd have normal kidney function mean that it would be with someone else's kidney?

As Courtnie often says, "These are the questions that haunt me."