I just got home from the hospital and was looking forward to a GREAT night sleep in my OWN bed.
Unfortunately, I'm having trouble falling asleep, so I'm on my second blog of the night.
I got on Facebook to see what's up with my homies. I had six friend requests...woo hoo! One of them was from a friend I had back in 2nd grade. She said she'd been looking for me for the past 25 years. She and I were best friends and I used to stay the night at her house.
This would have been the time when I had cancer, and I don't remember much about that time. I've blocked out most of the memories. We also moved at least 10 times between the time I was born and we moved to Utah when I was nine, so cities, schools, and friends blend together.
She said she'd been looking for me all of this time because I made such an impression on her, even when I was that young. Another boy from our 2nd grade class was also looking for me and they happened to find me at the same time. (He also added me as a friend tonight.)
Last Sunday in church, the Relief Society lesson was given by our president. She gave it on finding blessings through trials. She asked something about examples of people who have overcome adversity. One of my good friends raised her hand and talked about me. She said that she has been so impressed with mine and Gordon's testimony and faith that things will get better. Our attitude, she said, has been an inspiration to her. Others commented and shared the same sentiment.
I said that I'm just one little person trying to stay positive. I don't mean to influence people, I'm just trying to muddle through. Someone else said that I am having a huge influence. Then my good friend Debbie said, "Maybe that's the answer to 'why me?'"
Since that comment, I've been thinking a lot about "why me?" Perhaps the reason I'm going through this is to help others. I've been through a lot in my life, and all along the way people tell me that I've inspired them or caused them to think about their own life. Perhaps I'm a teacher of more than just music.
I don't mean to sound arrogant about this--I'd give anything to not have to go through what I'm going through. If I can help someone through their trials by my example, then maybe it's worth it.
One of the nurses commented about my remarkable attitude while I was in the hospital. I told him that I believe 100% that it's the only choice we have in this life. Attitude is the only thing we have complete control over. We don't get to choose what happens to us a lot of the time, but we do get to choose how we react to it. I know that the attitude I choose to have affects so much of how I feel and how others around me feel.
I'm grateful for this choice. I hope I can continue to help others through my trials. (Don't get me wrong...I'd still like to not have them!) :)
4 comments:
You are (and always have been) and example and inspiration to me. In fact, the reason I jumped on here this morning is because Tim is teaching about prayer in Young Men today. I immediately thought of your "Secret Weapon" post. Hope you don't mind I am printing it out for him to share :D
Your blog is now officially "not safe for work..." because you always make me bawl like a baby. Good thing I can close my door... :-)
I love you, sis. God has not forgotten you. He engraved YOU on the palms of His hands - His mighty hands, used to bless and heal and raise. You are ever before His eyes, and not a hair of your head is unknown to Him. He is real and He is concerned. He will bless you and heal you - especially that healing that comes from the Spirit through the Atonement.
Hang in there, sis. I still have a kidney with your name on it. I know you have to get a little better before that can happen, so let me know.
We need to talk my friend. You are amazing! Your last several posts have been many of my thoughts as well. Love you- g
I love to read your blog's, because you are such an amazing person in so many ways. Keep up the great attitude and I think that is what shows to people the most.
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